Mindfulness & MeditationRelationships

My Disappearance

Over the course of the last two years, my life has been in flux. I moved 1600 miles away from my home, my oldest son and my best friend.  I left a 25-year marriage.  I gave up a 10-year career.  I have ceased to be a presence in a number of people’s lives, and they have ceased to be a presence in mine.

To some who love me, or used to love me, some friends, some relatives, quite a few colleagues and coworkers, and a handful of neighbors, in a way, I have disappeared. I no longer live next door. I no longer work with you. I no longer see you in the coffee shop each morning. You no longer read my words. You no longer stop in my office on your way down the hall. You no longer consider me your sister-in-law or your wife. We are no longer Facebook friends. I am no longer your lunch buddy or your team member. You no longer wave hello. You don’t see me at church. You don’t see me walking my dog down the street.

I don’t want to be overly dramatic, but it’s kind of weird.

I have a deep sense that I don’t know who I am anymore, and I’m starting to wonder if I ever really did.

I am in transition. I didn’t anticipate that this phase would last as long as it has or reach into as many areas of my life as it has reached. I had no idea when I started this journey two years ago that I would be where I am today.

This is the most important time of my life. I can feel it. Yet sometimes I am gripped by fear that I might let this moment slip through my fingers. But I have a sense that I won’t, that I’m not. I have a sense that something is happening within me that is momentous, even if it is only of consequence to me.


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1 Comment

  1. Only by disappearance of the image of ‘illusion’ we can see the ‘pure’ light within.. You are not alone in this ‘transition’.. but yet, to go through the whole process we have to be alone.. for a while 🙂

    ~ Enjoy your Sunday!

  2. The time in the chrysalis is alone time, and absolutely transformative. Some of us will always remember who you were in our lives, and know Who you are in Truth. See you soon, you beautiful butterfly!

    1. Cindy – this truly touched my heart. Thank you. 🙂

  3. I finally picked up Robert Brumet’s “Finding Yourself in Transition” and have found it to be helpful (and worth a 2nd or 3rd read). As you well know, spiritual work just can’t be rushed. By sharing this blog you are taking steps toward allowing yourself to be “seen” again. Have missed your wonderful writing ~ JudyB

  4. “This is the most important time of my life. I can feel it. Yet sometimes I am gripped by fear that I might let this moment slip through my fingers.” Dear Laura – the fact that you wrote this blog is proof enough that you are not letting this slip through your fingers. And you may have disappeared from the daily connections, but not from the heart connections. Sending you energy, strength and love. This is beautiful. LOVE!

  5. At the end of the process, you will find yourself and you found self will be more refined.

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